[Ficlet] Foster Guardian

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Written By: IJaggys

Bobby – Hanbin | English | Friendship – Fantasy – Humour | Ficlet | PG-15 [for swearing words]

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I’m your guardian angel. I can do some pretty cool shit that you can’t even comprehend.

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Alright, I’ll be frank with you.

When I had discovered that there was an angel, a guardian angel, looking out for me in life, helping me, protecting me and guiding me along a path, I sorta expected my angel to be one of those stereotypical ones you’d see on a window.

Instead, I got a guardian angel that looked like he was fresh out of a mediocre college frat party.

You know, that one guy who walks in, hits on all of the girls (regardless of what they say), bums booze off of everyone (and I mean everyone), doesn’t pay the entry fee (insists he knows someone here) and then starts a fight with some poor kid who accidentally bumped into him, asking him “Do you know anyone here bro?”.

Yeah, my guardian angel’s like that.

His name is Bobby. Of course. Potentially one of the douchiest names in the game, Bobby, the Guardian Angel. First thing is that he’s a god awful guardian angel, only showing up half the time. Oh, and when he does show up, he’s either, drunk or high, never sober, surprisingly.

Sometimes he’ll be on his phone, trying to hit up his ex (another guardian angel, who got a flawless look, Han Cheonsa) while I’m trying not to get murdered while walking through a ghetto, other times while I’m pinned underneath something, Bobby will be too busy checking out a hottie who just happens to be passing by. Thanks Bobby.

But probably what made me realize all of this was my first encounter with the guy, guardian angel, asshole dude. Starting off with a normal day, driving down the road when a deer decides it’s a hell of a day to frolic across the road right as my car drives by. Safe to say, my car was pretty broken up after.

Of course, right before then, Bobby appears, in my passenger seat, sipping a brewski and looking at his phone, wearing a pair of sunglasses and a backwards hat.

Hey bro,” Bobby had said, causing me to look over.

“What’s up? I’m Bobby, your guardian angel. You got any tunes, Kim Hanbin?”

“Uh, I have an aux in the arm rest.” I replied, lifting my arm for him to get it, ignored the fact that he’s already know my full name.

“You wanna play music, man?”

“Nah bro,” Bobby shifted, looking up from his phone for a brief second before looking back.

“Can you get it for me anyways?”

“I’m driving,” I answered, before looking at him.

“How did you get into my car again?”

“Listen, hombre, I’m your guardian angel. I can do some pretty cool shit that you can’t even comprehend. You want a girl? Boom, there she is. You want endless amount of liquor? Boom, there it is, pour up.”

Bobby grinned, probably one of the most obnoxious smiles I had ever seen in my life.

“Guardian angels are dope people bro. Also you should watch out for that deer, huh?”

Looking back from Bobby and his 10-second attention span-fuelled tangent about girls and booze, I looked forward only to slam on the breaks as the god damn deer just stared into my car’s hood.

Of course, Bobby, didn’t really do anything except finish his Coors Light and grin as he swiped on Tinder. The car buckled as the deer flew over the hood into the windshield.

I covered my face as the airbag deployed, the windshield cracking under the deer’s weight before the car stopped, the deer flopping back onto the hood.

“Hey check it out, there’s a hottie in this area.” Bobby spoke up after a few seconds of silence, completely unfazed by the accident that had just taken place.

“She seems pretty cool, wonder if she’d be D-T-F, haha.” Bobby lightly punched my arm as I looked up, examining the damage.

Fuck.

That was my only thought as Bobby got out and looked at the deer before holding his phone out and taking a picture of it.

“Hey you think if I did a luge off of this deer I’d get on Total Frat Move?” Bobby asked as I got out of the car, clearly shaken up by the accident, Bobby somehow materializing another beer in his hand.

“Should I?” he asked with a sly grin on his face.

“What the hell man.” I managed, looking at the deer as Bobby proceeded to shotgun the beer, tossing the can carelessly behind him as he walked over.

“My car. Oh, fucking Lord.”

“Hey, woah, don’t say that.” Bobby spoke quickly as he walked to my side and clasped his arm around my shoulder before offering a beer to me.

“Lord is a cool guy, he’s way better at drinking than I am.”

“My car.” I looked at Bobby, pushing his beer away, as he nodded, picking the beer up and started drinking it.

“What about my car? This is gonna cost so much.”

“No problem guy, I got you.” Bobby grinned as he snapped his fingers, moving us to interior of a dimly lit room with wooden floors and cheap looking furniture.

“Welcome to the Bobby Dome. Home of yours truly.”

I don’t know what I prefer. Having a guardian angel who truly, and honestly, is an asshole or having a shitty enough life that even though I’m given a guardian angel, he has to be as big of a shit head as Bobby is.

Thing could be worse I guess, he could’ve been a vegan.

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-fin-

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30 minutes worth after my nasi padang’s meltdown on twitter (where the delivery guy completely sent me a wrong food from what I ordered) and I think, It’d be nice to have a guardian angel who can save my food-order correctly. But instead, here we are having an asshole unapologetic guardian angel like Bobby! So much love!

Leave your comment in here!

xo

IJaggys

 

 

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